Changing Busses
Life can change in an instant without anybody even realizing it in the moment. When you look back on a certain time you realize that one part of your life seemed bright, vibrant, and happy; but soon morphed into a dim, dull, and dissatisfying. For me this realization of what life truly offers was when I entered my Middle School bus.
At the time I was 12 years old in between being a kid and becoming an adolescent. The day started the same as any other day but soon I would face a new way of life that would soon become the routine that would repeat and imprison me for the following year. The tiny desk fan next to my face blew a cool breeze on my face as I slowly arose from a deep slumber that would be rudely interrupted by the loud, screeching, ear numbing sound coming from my alarm clock. I sluggishly drag myself out of my cozy and very messy bed that was sometimes impossible for me to remove myself from. I walk down my old creaking stairs and arrive at my kitchen where I spent countless hours in my life in order to attempt to relieve the huge appetite of a growing boy. My parents would always say to me that I was like a cow because the amount of food I would eat would require four stomachs to hold. I quickly ate some food, hopped in the shower, got dressed, and finally got ready to leave for my first day of middle school, little did I know a lot was going to be changing.
The first thing to change would be the walk to the bus stop. No longer would my parents escort me to the bus that would lead me to my long lasting, dispiriting day, instead I would walk the path alone. It was an overcast dull monday morning, the clouds covered the sun, the walk was quieter than I could ever remember it being, the whole day felt very dreary. The bus I rode changed. Before middle school the bus was vibrant, you were greeted with a friendly “good morning!” from the bus driver which would put a smile on all of our faces. The smell of fresh lavender introducing our noses with the tingling pleasure of its scent. Screaming and hollering of excitement of us kids being taken to the one place where we could interact with each other and enjoy ourselves while we are educated but, most importantly sent to the playground. However, once I started middle school the bus turned into a place of sorrow and dread. Every time my new bus driver would speak it was as if his own voice was fighting against him. The groaning and croaking of his voice was as if there were a literal toad stuck in his throat, so when he talked to you he came off as very rude and uninterested. The bus had a musty smell of old decomposed food which stained the floor and windows, the stench of cigarettes were seeped into the cheap ripped up leather that we sat on, and finally the strong smell of axe body spray that migrated from the back of the bus. The front of the bus was filled with kids similar to me who were anxious to start their first days of middle school, and were tempted to leave the bus and to not go to school. And while the new kids were in the front of the bus the upperclassmen were posted in the back of the bus where they messed around cussed at each other, made fun of one another and other people who weren’t even there. This introduced to the new culture that would surround me for the next year.
My Bus stop in elementary school was one of the first stops, this would change in middle school, my stop changed to the last stop in the morning. This meant that the bus was filled, except for a seat towards the back of the bus. And so I had to take the long walk to row 14 of 21 of the bus. As I walked to the back of the bus everyone would give a quick glance in my direction as I moved one foot in front of the other to reach my seat. As soon as I reached my seat my perspective of middle school changed. I was right next to all of the older kids they were all around age 14 and 15. And well me being the only kid back there I was made a target for humiliation. They started to make fun of me for no reason. They would tease me, ask questions that I wouldn’t know how to respond to and would make me jumble my words together and frantically try to think of something. They would call me names causing me to become very sad and quiet, which was a change from the happy and loud kid that has run in the hallways and gotten in trouble in elementary school. These kids could see the hurt in my face when they would say things, but that didn’t stop them, that was exactly what they wanted. This didn’t just happen on the bus this continued in school, there was no escape, and it felt horrible.
No longer would I walk the halls of school with my friends next to me smiling and joking around. I wouldn’t get to throw paper airplanes at my friend in english class and have him write something on it just to then throw it back at me and watch me laugh in the middle of class as I read his snarky comment. There wouldn’t be any more recess for me and my friends compete against each other in all sorts of different games. I wouldn’t come home anymore excited to finish my homework so I could go outside to play or to play xbox with my friends. I shut down for all of 6th grade really. I became very shy, I wouldn’t talk to people unless they talked to me first, and even then I wouldn’t have the confidence to give actual responses. My whole personality and feelings had changed.
5 years, it took me 5 years to finally break out of my shell that I had been forced inside of. Constantly having the feeling that people were glancing in my direction, judging and getting ready to lash out on me and make fun of me. However, I finally came out of that mindset and feel like a stronger person because of it. And maybe if I had gone to a different school then these changes wouldn’t have happened, but they did and because of them I can look back on them and realize that change can be good in the long run.
Matthew Allen Writing Work 